Fear – A Controlling and Manipulative Beast…


We all know what this feels like. We all have our own fears and on some level or another, it holds us back from reaching our goals. It stops our dreams dead in their tracks. It brings us to our knee’s. Some of us, myself included, are so consumed by it that it allows for self-sabotage, doubt and anxiety. So what can be done? How do I break the spell it has over me and go after what I want? I try again. I keep trying.

That is all I ask of you. Do not give up on what you want. Seize the day, whether it be by making one small change or jumping head first into unknown territory. I just ask you to give yourself a chance. I also ask this of myself. I learned something about myself yesterday, and I learned it through my husband. My father and little brother came over to rebuild our old and leaning fence. I wasn’t able to help much, but when our daughter went down for her nap I went outside and helped to make sure the posts were lined up properly by using a leveler. My father showed me how to use it, and it was a piece of cake! Dad realized one of the posts needed some adjusting so he left my husband and I to work on the other ones, and my husband immediately offered instead to do the digging my father had left to do. “No, hon. It’s okay, this is easy. We got this!” I said to him. He seemed wary but he stayed with me and we got the post into the ground without any problems. On to the next one, and this time I had to step away. My father got the shovel to dig and I handed my husband the leveler. “I can dig!” he said with a slight anxiety in his voice. And then I realized…he is afraid. Of course, just like me, he’d never used a leveler before yesterday…but he didn’t have the confidence in him. It was such a small thing, but he doubted himself. I have caught on to him, and I realized that he doesn’t think he is a smart guy. That makes me so sad, because not only is that far from the truth, it is holding him back from being whatever he wants to be. This is true for me as well. I am smart, although I don’t always think so. I am beautiful, although I don’t always see it. And this fear to go after what we really want, where does it come from? I have stopped writing in this blog a few times, and it is only out of fear. My failure in healthy eating and exercise, another thing I continue to sabotage. School, another thing I allow fear to corrupt…and the list goes on. The only solution I can come up with to break this negative cycle is to TRY AGAIN. And I will not stop trying until I am successful. I have what it takes, we all do, but we can’t give up on ourselves. I think that’s the key. When we give up, we accept defeat and fear wins. And who really wants fear to win? No one.
So in honor of “trying again”, I have re-registered for school. As well, I have started using my food journal again, I have a 10k to run on October.5th, and I am teaching myself to cook for vegetarian/vegan cuisine. So here I go again, I am giving myself a much deserved second chance at going after what I want.

We can do anything we set our mind to, we just have to put ourselves out there.